As a person who thought that Chuck Mangione was a fake cartoon character like Bigfoot, I don’t exactly strike anyone as a Southern type. I have a New Jersey/New York accent. I fake tan at a Shore tanning salon from time to time.
A favorite show of mine, King of the Hill, was a favorite primarily because most of it felt as surreal to me as possible. I mean, kids rating meat at middle school or junior high seems really off-point for me. And football fandom? Yeah, I don’t get it and never will.
Despite all this, my father was a Texan.
He wasn’t just a Texan. He was a Texan—as in, cowboy boots, cowboy hat, hunting, fishing, and holding a deep desire to have me learn how to drive a car via a tractor on a farm. He actually liked going camping. My idea of communing with nature is a pine-scented air freshener and a nature documentary on repeat.
Obviously, 90 percent of our interactions involved him sighing, shaking his head, and wondering what the fuck went wrong with me turning out how I did. As he said, “I committed a grave sin. I helped give birth to a damn Yankee.”
Texans, much like us Jersey folk, tend to have an abnormal amount of state pride.
In New Jersey, we pride ourselves on gymming, tanning, and laundry. And good looking eyelashes. And big hair. Lots of hairspray, too. In Texas, they have Barbecue, the mythical creature known as Chuck Mangione, and large hats.
Oh, and Texans also have a phrase they take to heart: “Don’t mess with Texas.”
As a child, my dad would tell me what this meant. This meant that the “good ol’ boys” in town would take out guns and shoot bad guys like robbers, tyrants, or people who meant to do us harm. And Texas women could expect Texas men to protect them.
Of course, it went both ways. Dad would tell me that if a robber came into grandpa’s house in Texas, I better also know how to shoot, too. It was my right as the daughter of a Texan. And that if we were on a ranch and a rattlesnake was there, I would be expected to shoot it.
Texas was a land described to me as brave, rustic, and proud.
As a kid, I believed it.
I even used to stay indoors and pretend to be on a ranch or something by trying to make a camp with bedsheets. I’d also feel proud to play with knives, blowtorches, maces, and clubs—along with my friend in the cult.
And while my dad didn’t feel comfortable with me getting a gun after my middle school expulsion for some reason, I spent much of elementary school looking forward to the day I picked up my first rifle.
Texas meant strong. It meant brave. It meant an eye for an eye. It just seemed like a better way of life. As a kid, me and my best friend saw Texas as a cowboy land where we could be warrior princesses—though we preferred fantasy land play more often.
Needless to say, I can’t help but wonder what happened to that Texas I was told so much about.
Texas is currently dealing with a fascist takeover. Democratic party reps are being barred from leaving the court area because the GOP wants to redistrict everything red. Every single piece of protection and power the Democrats have has been slowly stripped from them.
And what are Texans doing about it? I thought the “good ol’ boys” were brave and all about freedom? Now that we really need heroes to stop the takeover of fascism and allow that precious freedom of speech, what happened to the people who were there to remind people not to mess with Texas?
Women are dying. Where are the gallant cowboys who will stand up for them and help them get healthcare?
Women and children are being exiled, rounded up in camps, and worse. Why are Texans not doing anything about this, if Texas is the land of the brave, tough cowboys?
It seems like the state is openly allowing the bullies to win. That wasn’t the Texas that I remember being told about. What’s going on there?
As of right now, the Democratic representatives are the ones who look like the real tough guys.
By now, we all know how Texas has been highly hypocritical in its gerrymandering practices. The Democrats handled this by leaving the House so that the gerrymandering wouldn’t get worse.
The GOP responded by threatening arrests, FBI hunts, and worse. This is after the GOP had stolen elections for years by doing the exact same thing Democrats did. And Team Blue always took the high road.
It’s not the GOP that looks big and strong now. They don’t look like they’re protecting anyone but themselves. They look like the angry, insecure bullies on a school yard—the ones that push around the tall, quiet kid just to prove they “shouldn’t be messed with.”
They’re so afraid of being told no, these GOP politicians won’t even allow a Texas Senator to leave the House Chamber without an escort. All of this so that Texas can gerrymander itself beet red.
Why are they so afraid of cedeing power, if they are so tough? Why are they so nervous about decent voting rights if they are so beloved? It sounds like Texas is all about messing with its own people, if you ask me.
The only people actually swooping in to save the day and protect others are the Democrats being voted into office. The GOP? They’re the bad guys here. They’re literally destroying peoples’ ability to vote.
What happened to the “good ol’ boys” who were supposed to be the brave heroes, the “Southern gentlemen” who would protect those weaker than them? What happened to the Texans who were all about law and order?
I suppose we shouldn’t be shocked. I mean, this is the same state that had the Uvalde Massacre happen—where 377 officers watched kids die by a mass shooter. Those who tried to save others were arrested.
It seems like “Don’t Mess With Texas” is only true when it comes to people who are left-leaning.
I personally don’t want to deal with anything or anyone who’s a proud Texan right now. They’ve made it clear that Texas is only for white, Christian, conservative, straight men. Anyone else is best left to steer clear of the Lone Star State.
