Hey there!

I’m currently quitting my kratom and kava supplements because I started to realize I was getting addicted to them. And while they were able to help me bury my hurt emotions, help my pains and also improve my writing, they’re having bad effects.

So I’m kicking the habit and will likely just decrease to zero. I was shocked to find out that I am both physically and emotionally addicted to these “harmless” supplements.

I’m dealing with withdrawals. I have dry skin. I’m sleepy. I have crying fits. And worse? I feel alone. That’s the worst thing about it. And you know what…?

I’ll be okay.

I’ve quit a ton of different substances and it’s always been the same song and dance. I’m willing to bet that you, readers, are dealing with someone who is trying to get off something right now.

Maybe it’s alcohol. Maybe it’s meth. Or heroin. Or benzos. Whatever it is, I likely currently bear a striking resemblance to your buddy. I mean, I have personally quit habitual use of alcohol, cocaine, MDMA, GHB, tobacco, and even freebasing opioid pills in the past.

I realize I’m a bit unusual in this sense. Once I stop an addiction, I generally don’t go back to addict levels. Like these days, I might have a drink once a month or a monthly hookah session.

Regardless, quitting a habit always has the same types of behavior. Here’s what I wish you would know.

I am going to tell you this once and only once: FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, FUCKING LISTEN WHEN WE TELL YOU NOT TO DO SOMETHING!

A lot of addicts, myself included, turn to substances as a way to cover up when we feel alone, neglected, and unwanted. I often will reach out, sometimes quite desperately, to people and ask to hang out, to just talk, or even for a roll in the hay.

Every single time someone suddenly drops me when I do this, it devastates my ability to stay sober right then and there. And I am not silent about this, either. I’ve written about it. I’ve posted about it. Every time I say this, it’s a scream for help.

People often think that I am okay when I stop asking. I’m not. I just assume that I’m not worth saving or caring for. And I’m probably back on whatever is my current poison of choice, back to numbing the pain.

If you’ve been wondering why your friend who reached out and was so excited to plan things relapsed, there you go. They’re probably in the same boat as me.

When I was dealing with an MDMA addiction in college, everyone was calling me a junkie. Every time I would try to do something to better my life that required other people to comply, they would sneer and say, “You’re a drug addict. You can’t be trusted.”

When I was trying to quit, I’d tell them, “I’ve been clean for four weeks.”

I remember having a classmate say, “Four weeks, or four seconds? Just give up, fucking slut.”

I managed to stop using molly on a weekly basis, but here’s the thing: I would have quit much faster if I had people who praised me, reassured me, and actually listened to me. Because let’s face it, nothing makes a person run to a “love drug” faster than being told to drop dead of an overdose by classmates who are treated far better than you.

If you care about your friend, partner, lover, or family member, reassure them. Praise them. Tell them how much they matter because it’s so easy to feel like nobody cares when you’re dealing with emotional withdrawals.

We need someone to believe in us, because sometimes, we don’t believe in ourselves.

I can’t believe I have to say this, but this is a legit thing. Touch starvation tends to happen with people who are suffering from addiction. Most people who are really going through it really need a hug.

Society treats addicts horrifically. Don’t be society.

Remember when I said that a person who’s reaching out to you while dealing with withdrawals is often a person who’s desperate? Yeah. Timing matters.

In other words, don’t roll your eyes at us and say it’ll happen “later.” Don’t leave us on read and wonder why we stopped picking up the phone. We’re likely using.

Maybe it’s just me, but going through withdrawals has a tendency of bringing out a lot of the emotions that I’ve been dealing with. It’s no secret that dying on my birthday and having no one care really fucked me up.

I’m extremely angry, bitter, and resentful of the “family” and “loved ones” who keep ignoring my needs when they matter the most. It’s caused me to have some very serious, ugly, and extreme blowups at my ‘family,’ if you want to call them that.

Some of it (admittedly) is the drugs or alcohol talking. Much of it, though, is just the same hurt that may have drove us to use in the first place.

The last time I was in a stupid-ass program, I got to listen to a moron bloviate about God, and how he was going to fix me. The time before then, I listened to someone who was never addicted tell me she “knows what it’s like.”

I told one to fuck off. I encouraged the other to consider a 9-millimeter aspirin as I walked out the door. Oh, and the one before that? Yeah, I had to stop myself from throwing my chair at her.

What did I do after attending those programs? I marched my ass right to the dealer’s, the bar, or the store where I could get my fix. And yes, I did it out of spite.

Therapy does not work well for me because most therapists tend to just jam the same stupid, piss-ass advice that buckass morons at church tell me. Not everyone does well in a program or in rehab.

For some, like myself, we need to go solo. We know what we need, we just ask that people have patience with us while we work it. Stop asking us to do things your way if your way has proven to hurt more than help.

It’s like what I say: you cannot therapize away basic needs, much like you can’t financial education your way through poverty wages. For some people, going to NA or AA is a great way to find new dealers or enablers.

Offer them help finding a program, but drop it.

Look, there’s a fine line between listening to an addict trying to rehabilitate and realizing that the addict doesn’t want to change. You cannot force an addict who doesn’t want to quit, to quit.

Understand that an addict who doesn’t want it bad enough will end up hurting themselves and you in the process. You have to defend yourself at all costs, even if that means watching them go to jail.

If you want to help them, tell them, “When you’re ready to quit and I see you ready to quit, I’ll be there. Until then, I’ll take my leave.”

From there, watch what they do, not what they say and act accordingly.

At the end of the day, I will get clean. I know myself well enough to know I have self-control. But right now, I will remember where everyone was when I was on that journey.

I will remember my family member realizing that I was hurting over them refusing to attend my wedding and trying to make time for me, even if it was a bit too late. I will also remember the guy who ghosted me when I told him I needed him.

A person’s character is all about how they behave with people who are vulnerable. You can’t find anyone more vulnerable than a person fighting a disease like addiction.

What I’m saying is, we will remember. And we will act accordingly. So if you want to be around your addict for the comeback arc, make sure you’re the one cheering them on and not the one with a foot on their throat.